Ways to Make Adulting Easier

Being an adult is hard. After turning 50 last year, I thought I might have the hang of it.

No. It is still a challenge.

Here are ways I try (some days more successfully than others) to be a calm and sane adult. Ok ~ that might be a stretch. Here are ways that help me reduce the stress level in my life, so maybe I don’t scream like a toddler.

• Find a hobby. Cooking was a chore when I was a single mom with 3 kids who never agreed on anything, but now I actually love spending hours in the kitchen with weekly food prep. Sometimes, Josef will help me make assorted holiday treats (the holiday never matters). Other times, I will bake homemade doggie treats for Bella. It gives me the opportunity to have my hands busy, while my mind is focused on a specific project. I can keep myself distracted from the rest of the world for hours.
• Learn something new everyday. Maybe it is the capital of Madagascar. (It is Antananarivo, by the way. Hey, now maybe you learned something new today. Unless you were already awesome at geography.) You can always bank the information for next time you are on Jeopardy, or need a random topic when there is an uncomfortable gap in conversation.
• Compliment someone. Have you ever had a stranger say something nice to you? Just out of the blue? Isn’t that a nice feeling? Reverse the role, and you just helped someone have a better day.
• Stay out of junior high school. I have friends. You have friends. Not all my friends like all my friends. It is ok. I will still be your friend. If I am at the same event you planned, it is my responsibility to play nice. It is not your responsibility to plan your guest list around me. And, when I plan an event, please do the same for me. Because we are friends.
• I don’t have to be friends with everyone on social media. Really??? Absolutely! I may have an assortment of family, childhood friends, college friends, recent friends, business associates, friends of friends, accidental friends, and the list goes on. But, if someone continually says stuff that just doesn’t sit well (“woe is me”, “I’m upset again, but I’m not posting about it ~ except for posting about it”, “every person who doesn’t agree with me is a loser”, “your life depends on buying this product that will also make you rich, even though I’m not”. . You get the point), I will likely check on them or try to encourage them the first several times, but then I might hide their feed or unfriend them. The first time I did this, I had a family member ask me why, and I told her. Nicely. I thought. That was when she started calling me names we would never say at family reunions. Yes. Right choice.
• Avoid drama. It is so easy to get pulled into drama. (See Junior High.) I get wrapped up sometimes, and always regret it. Just don’t do drama. It is bad.
• Be creative. Paint, sew, glue, bejewel, stick a flower in a vase. I think my family determines my emotional wellbeing by if they see me making stuff. It doesn’t even have to be better than a macaroni necklace. I honestly feel better if I’m making something. Warning ~ mine usually also comes with a big mess.
• Say thank you. Thank people at the grocery store and Target. Especially around holidays and on weekends. Let them know we appreciate them being there. It may not be an option for them, so it makes their day more bearable. Thank people in your house. Thank people at work. Thank people who are receptionists and people who touch your food. (As a general rule, those 2 groups should be at the top of the list. Think about it.)
• Exercise. I hate exercising. I have always struggled with my weight. I exercise because I have to. But, guess what? Those days when I don’t want to leave the couch and/or I am so grouchy NO ONE wants me to leave the house ~ those are the days I need it most. I have to focus in order to exercise correctly. It reduces my stress. Turns out, all those things exercise people say about exercise is true. Well, except for those people who are ripped by exercising only 8 minutes a day on one particular piece of equipment. I still don’t believe them.
• Stay in your pay grade. Maybe there is a process that you think can be better. Maybe you’re not happy with the programming of an application. Tell your superior, and move along. It is now their problem. Yeah! Not mine!
• Be yourself. Or, in modern terms, “You do you, boo!” Unless you’re a real jerk. Then just be a nicer you.
• Reach out to others. Even though it should be easy with texting and Facebook and emails and all the other technology, we still get caught up with our own world. I struggle with this all the time. But, I’m trying to do better. Take a moment and say hi to someone.
• Have an experience instead of something tangible. Make a memory. Send someone else to an event, so they can have an adventure. Live life.

My goal this week is to do all these things. If I don’t reach my goal, I will have homework, until they are done.

I plan to be a grown up this week.

The Love Boat Lied to Me

Growing up in the 70s and 80s, a staple of Saturday evening television was The Love Boat. Somehow, we were allowed to watch this and Fantasy Island, but not allowed to see the illicit escapades on Dallas, which aired on Friday nights.

For decades, I pictured the perfect cruise, just as glamorous as I viewed every weekend.

IT WAS ALL LIES.

Lie #1 ~ There are crowds of people waving as you leave the port.

Reality ~ Galveston water is murky and brown. The port looked like a commercial port where shady deals are made.

Lie #2 ~ Julie, the cruise director did not greet us to ask about what kind of fun we wanted to have.

Reality ~ We planned excursions online. Our cruise director, Malcolm (@malcolmwoohoo if you want to follow on Instagram), was a tall, bald, AA guy who began morning announcements crowing like a rooster, and ended them with (you guess it), “woohoo!”

Malcolm was actually more wild and crazy than Julie could have been. Win for Malcolm.

Lie #3 ~ The ship physician strolls around the boat, seeking out opportunities to be of assistance.

Reality ~ I don’t think I ever say the doctor on board. There was a pamphlet that outlined clinic hours. You know where it is? In the bowels of the shop, where you feel like someone will jump out and shank you.

Lie #4 ~ People always behave, or they just go back to their cabins.

Reality ~ Boat jail. You’ll find it next to the clinic.

Lie #5 ~ The Captain has dinner with everyone.

Reality ~ Upcharge.

Lie #6 ~ Mariachi bands in every port.

Reality ~ Nope. People with signs herding tourists wearing lanyards.

Lie #7 ~ At the end of the cruise, the entire crew (all 6 of them) will wave you off, as you casually meander off the boat.

Reality ~ There are nearly as many crew members as passengers. The disembarkment process consists of lines, crowded spaces, waiting, and repeat. For. Hours.

Lie #8 ~ Umbrella drinks served by an incredibly funny bartender.

Reality ~ Slow service, no sense of humor. And, definitely no flair like snapping then pointing fingers at you. More likely they would point their long finger at you if someone (theoretically) brought their own pink bell, and rang it to get attention. (Maybe it said “cabana boy, please”, which could totally be appropriate. Theoretically.)

Based on all the fictitious scenery I was shown, it was almost a miracle I could even enjoy a cruise with such falsehoods. However, midnight pizza, hanging on deck with friends, amazing dinners and towel animals totally redeemed cruises for me.

I am now hesitant about booking a trip to Fantasy Island.

You’re right, I’m wrong

Life is challenging when dealing with other humans, but we don’t have many other options.

Often we have times when we face difficulties, and reach out for assistance. Sometimes, we are on the side of offering assistance.

Neither side is easy. Both sides are filled with judgement. Each party is fighting to do what they think is best for themselves and the other side.

If you draw hard lines, you will isolate. If you don’t comply, you are rejected. Where does this help anyone? What happens is more secrets and deeper separation.

Acceptance. This is a difficult word for conservatives. It is hard for folks who know the answers to life. However, when people are loved and feel valued, then they will perform tasks beyond belief.

Maybe this is how cults have a following. Make someone feel wanted, and point them in a direction.

Making me feel isolated will not bring me back to your ideas and your vision. Attempting to make me feel inadequate for not making the same choices you would, … yeah, that isn’t helping either.

You know what matters? Letting someone know they can always call. Being there. Loving them.

Sometimes my answers aren’t yours. That’s ok. I love you. Be you. Take care of you.

The Planet Would Die Without Women

I am absolutely convinced humanity would cease in any form of continuance without us females. Even if men could hatch new little “baby men” (is that redundant?), very few have the survival skills necessary to maintain any type of existence

Here is a comparison of men versus women when each are sick. However, the female could also be ill while the male is, but it wouldn’t change his actions.

Man with cold

“I feel warm. <sniffle> Do I have a fever? Do we have a thermometer? 98.9? Can you please fix this? I need more tissues, but I can’t reach the coffee table from the couch.”

Female with asthma exacerbation

“Yes, I can make that call for you. <cold sweats, still showing up for day job, pain with breathing, running a bath, boiling edamame for dinner, entertaining the dog, coughing up crap, holding inhaler tightly – simulateously> Is there anything you need from the store?”

Can I get a beatnik snap in agreement?

Office Underground

Today, I continue my new personal record for NOT leaving the house. This is Day 4.

I have a team meeting starting shortly, then I will resume my daily duties where my primary tool is Motivational Interviewing. If people could see me in person, someone who lived in a “van down by the river” would have a better chance at being believable.

I’m personally so drained from my respiratory crud that I am close to drinking my coffee, not only black, but also cold – just so I don’t have to expend more energy than absolutely necessary.

I want to thank the following people/organizations who have made this sequester possible:

Amazon

Instacart

David – who has picked up emergency doggie treats and kitchen trash bags

The Internet (I’m not sure whether to thank Al Gore or that British guy)

Neighborhood Girl Scout Cookie Dealer

Taya – my legging supplier, who delivered to my door (AKA – dropped and ran)

This is totally not how an extrovert lives.

The House Person I Have Become

Today I realized I have become perfectly comfortable in my house shoes. In other words, comfortable in my own skin in my house.

We scheduled cleaning for the wood floors. I answered the door without makeup. Or fixing my hair. Or changing into “real” clothes out of my fleece jammies. Neither of us seemed to mind.

There are other advantages to working from home. The commute is my favorite. If you have ever driven on 635 in Dallas, you understand. It actually doesn’t matter what day of the week or time of day; avoiding Dallas traffic is awesome.

The cafe. I can pick the daily specials every single day. The cafe doesn’t fuss about my special requests or if I arrive outside “normal” hours. They also stock my favorite snacks.

Every day is bring your dog to work day. No need to go through HR for approval for emotional support animals.

Nap time. I can use my lunch break for sleeping. In my own bed. With my dog.

Wardrobe. As much as I love how I look in high heels, I love my sneakers and slippers and flip flops.

Wellness breaks. I can go outside for fresh air several times a day. I don’t have to pretend I’m a smoker to have permission to go outside. I can even take a ride on my bike.

Did I mention having the dog with me? Bella loves being beside my desk, where I can toss a ball while I’m on the phone. She is not helpful when I’m typing.

At the top, is while she had to wait outside while the floors were being cleaned. She was nearly as unhappy as I was inside without internet.

Planning my Cruise with the Otters

Some friends of ours invited several other couples to join them on an upcoming cruise. 7-days in the Caribbean at an awesome price. Of course, we needed to speak to the agent, and also make the initial payment.

We spent a couple days playing phone tag with the travel agency, but finally connected with an agent. He introduced himself as Rafael, and he would assist me with getting everything arranged. He told me about the options – balcony, window, or interior. Since the balcony was several decks away from our friends (and more expensive), we agreed on the window. We would still be reasonably close to the group.

Rafael – Would you like to be close to the otters?

Me – Yes. (Otters are so cute.)

Rafael – Did you want the same dinner time as the otters?

Me – Yes!! (I can’t wait to see how cute these otters will look in tuxes.)

Rafael finished confirming times, dates and payments. Zondra had asked us to let her know that things were settled, so I sent her a text.

Me – I’m so excited!! Rafael is putting us close to the otters!

Zondra – Oh, good. We’ll have to come visit you. Rick said to be careful. They are not as harmless as they look.

Me – I hope we get the significant kind. I love my significant otter!

(Long pause)

Zondra – And, your family just doesn’t understand you.

Me – They do their best.

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I suspect English was not the first language for Rafael. He had a little accent.

I Just Want a Dog

I’ve been trying for MONTHS to adopt a dog. I send links, pictures, memes, and anything else I feel will get David to allow a new member in the household.

I visited one doggie a few months back. Her name is Rita. She was surrendered when her elderly human became ill, and needed to receive intense medical treatments. She was well-behaved, calm and appeared non-sheddy.

I watched the local shelter Facebook page, and let David see updated pictures and activities of Miss Rita. We saw her for the “official” new shelter opening. This week, their Facebook page posted how Rita really needed a furever home for Christmas. David didn’t fuss too much when I told him.

So, today the shelter was walking dogs around the Forney Park during Christmas in the Park. Bingo! David needed some fresh air, and needed to meet Rita. (He didn’t realize the part about meeting Rita. I saved that as a surprise.)

We didn’t find the shelter “booth”, so I spotted someone walking a dog, and chased her down. (The dog was wearing a vest that said, “Adopt me”, so it wasn’t as stalker-like as David was thinking – from a safe distance away from me.) She told me the helpers were walking the dogs from the shelter itself, since it was so close to the park.

We took down the path to the shelter (which was really about 1/2 mile, but I was wearing my Fitbit, so the steps counted). When we arrived, I initially looked in the room where I thought Rita was assigned. Then, a nice helper asked me who I was hoping to see. When I told her I wanted to see Rita, she said, “Oh, she just left.” Which I thought meant she just left for a walk in the Park. Her next comment was “She was adopted about 10 minutes ago.” I started to cry inside, while David realized he was really in his own dog house. I was glad Rita found a home, but I really wanted it to be mine.

We visited with a couple other dogs (Bo and Bella). They were both sweet. Bo was very energetic, but also smart and potty trained. Bella was quiet while the other dogs were yappy. We still came home without a dog.

Once we got home, we settled into watching some reruns of LivePD. Shortly into one of the episodes, there was a female pulled out of a car after she was attempting to hide her crack in her sock. She kept begging the officer to let her go because she didn’t want to lose her dog. She promised she would never be bad again, and she didn’t want to lose her dog. She reminded the officer she had met him previously when she was found in a hotel room with a man (who was carrying condoms), but they were just friends, so the officer let her go. The officer obviously didn’t believe that this was the first time she had crack and tried to hide it, or he didn’t think she would be good from now on, because he did arrest her. However, he was kind enough to have someone bring her dog to her, so she could love on it before she went to jail.

That’s when my inside voice became my outloud voice, and I exclaimed, “That crack whore has a dog, and I can’t even get one!” David came to the kitchen, hugged me tight, and started to shake. I thought he was crying with me, but he was actually laughing. He tried to convince me “this is just a TV show, and it isn’t live-live”.

I’m still sad. I want a dog.

Why Doesn’t Anyone Else Laugh at This??

Maybe I have a different perspective on how I see the world, or maybe it’s my inner world crossing over into real life. When I find things amusing and share with others, I often get the reaction of shaking heads and rolling eyes. Here are some of the most recent events.

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We were coming home at night on a 2-lane FM road (that’s farm-to-market road for you city folks) when an animal dashed across the road in front of us. “What was that?”, David asked. “Wow – I think it was a raccoon, but I almost didn’t recognize it because it was wearing a MASK!”

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On my morning walk, I noticed there were pigeons gathering with the local pond ducks. I suspected something fowl.

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The baby ducklings started following me on my walk, asking waddle we have for breakfast.

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The Horror of Sunflowers

A couple days ago, I posted pictures of my pretty sunflowers I had cut from around the pond/lake near our house. (There is a difference of opinion on if it is truly a “lake”.) The blooms were bright and cheery in my kitchen and dining area.

Yesterday, I found a “worm” on the tile floor. I disposed of it, and moved along. I had no idea what was going to happen.

When I returned from Camp Gladiator this morning, I returned a call to my mother. (She was probably calling because I failed to phone over the weekend, so this was the obligatory “Are you still alive?” call.) As I walked into the dining area, I let out an abrupt, “S^&*!!” with my mother on the other end. There were HUNDREDS of larvae all over my dining area floor. I told my mother I would have to get back with her. And, I hoped she didn’t hear my little slip of a bad word. (S^&* IS a curse word in Texas.)

This was the stuff from horror movies. An army of creepy crawlies was collecting on my floor, lying in wait for my return home.

How do you eradicate an army of crawlies?? I didn’t think I could sweep them, because they could hide in my broom and stay on a recon mission. We had no pesticide labeled for larvae critters. I did have a gallon of white vinegar, so that is what I poured over all of them. A deluge of vinegar. I thought I could mop the bodies, but they wouldn’t stick to the mop.

Of course, David is out of town AND not answering his phone. Either phone. I’m crying and hyperventilating, and he is not available for support.

I used up 3 rolls of paper towels, tossed the slimy bodies in the trash can, took out the trash bag, and took the trash can outside. The trash can outside is totally against HOA rules, but I’m sure they will understand that my life was in danger.

For the past hour, I have been circling the house, looking for remaining critters. I’m still finding one here and there. It’s ok – I have my mother calling me tomorrow to make sure the angry, remaining relatives haven’t eaten me in my sleep. She mumbled something about my imagination, but we’ve all seen “accidents” like that in movies.

Oh – and, my kitchen smells like a pickle factory. We may have to move. Without telling the realtor about this.